When I read the anecdotes form the Globe and Mail, the authors wrote how their loved ones influenced thm in their lives and how their persons changed the writers' lives. As being part of the life obstacle, every person can be a paradigm because they can remind themselves why they became a better person ever and why they loved them back in return.
That is what I realized in their writing, but there is one story that touched me dearly because a a person of special needs, I know what it is to view the world differently from any normal person and what it is like as an outcast from society.
This story reflects back to my poem Young Voice because when we suffer inside, "beauty does live among us", that is if you are talking about a "beautiful soul." There is only thing to know about beauty before judging
a book by its cover: "to be beautiful is to suffer" because "this is not a society that is organized to look aat those who have special needs."
After I read the sister's story , I am "fascinated by her innonce" and yet, " I am painfully aware how few people are actually present to her - and I wonder if there isn't a relationship there, between her lack of presence and ours" because we feel like outcasts who are not easily recognized.
If you look at some things surrounding you, "it's all about the moment" such as a little girl's cheeks will "bloom like a rose if you're sweet." Poeple need to stop being "such big egos, so full of opinions and arguments."
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
A teen in an adult world
Ever since I turned eighteen, which was the most depressive birthday of my life, things were getting so confusing and sometimes I don't know what to believe or who I am anymore.
It was as if I was a lonely teen with no friends or someone that ended up hanging with the "wrong crowd" also known as druggies, misfits, skateboarders etc. Weirdly they are not what we think they are because they don't actually pressure you to do something beyond your limits. They respect it unlike the normal people.
Anyway, this is not what I'm talking about. I am talking about what it is to grow up so fast, forgetting what it was like to be young. Unlike an average teenage girl, I always stayed home, doing my homework because I didn't know how to communicate well with my friends, my dad doesn't trust my friends for being a troublesome in a group and ... my dad thinks people don't know what I am saying; it is like speaking gibberish when I am talking to my dad. Because of that, he thinks it would also project my speaking to my peers and others.
Weirdly I speak perfectly towards other people, which honestly I don't deny, when it is at school or in a class but when it comes to my dad, it is way different. Well, it's quite the opposite.
I love my dad as a role model to look up to surviving in the real world, but sometimes I hate it when it comes to insults with my mom's family, telling me to do something the last minute, etc. But I have to suck it up and accept this is life; no one sid it was going to be easy. Unfortunately, sometimes my dad thinks I'm stupid, slow and weird, which he doesn't like me to be. Well... the weird part.
Since I entered into English class, my world turned upside down, it expanded my thinking and sometimes I don't know what I am anymore or what I have become. Why is it going to the depths of my past through an emotional state and no I am not talking about mood swings in a lady when she get PMS.
I dressed a bit differently, my behaviour has changed into a sophisicated kind without the snobby personality and Affluenza. I am still young but what if I grew up too fast because I am not what I used to be and I rarely got to do fun things with my friends.
I've done some stupid things and one of my friends thought she was pregnant and wanted a wedding. She asked me to be her Maid of Honour in Grade 11 but my dad didn't like her for being knocked up, which she was not.
I wish my dad would please just understand as a teen, I deserve some fun and if I can't say what I feel in person, well here it is:
Dad,
I love you as my dad, but you have to let me be who I want to be and live my life. I can't meet all of your expectations as a daughter you've always wanted because I am stressed, feeling pressured by you; what is the point if I can't stand up to you for your insults, lightly hitting me with a badminton racket or any hard objects or your bare hands, slapping me on the head or grabbing my hair. Sometimes I feel like you are still treating me like a little girl who seems too fragile to lose. I am stressed because I am angry at myself; I don't seem to be living in my own shadows but yours and I am only pleasing you instead of me just so I wouldn't see your angry self. I can't seem to talk to you about my problems when you are in rage or blaming me to feel ashamed. I know that is how life works, but I am getting sick and tired of it. That is why I felt so uncomfortable around you a few years ago. Sometimes I think you don't know me at all because of what you saw in me after a few years. I love you and I don't want to lose my bond with you because I don't want to be the last person you want to see when you read this. Please understand what I am going through.
It was as if I was a lonely teen with no friends or someone that ended up hanging with the "wrong crowd" also known as druggies, misfits, skateboarders etc. Weirdly they are not what we think they are because they don't actually pressure you to do something beyond your limits. They respect it unlike the normal people.
Anyway, this is not what I'm talking about. I am talking about what it is to grow up so fast, forgetting what it was like to be young. Unlike an average teenage girl, I always stayed home, doing my homework because I didn't know how to communicate well with my friends, my dad doesn't trust my friends for being a troublesome in a group and ... my dad thinks people don't know what I am saying; it is like speaking gibberish when I am talking to my dad. Because of that, he thinks it would also project my speaking to my peers and others.
Weirdly I speak perfectly towards other people, which honestly I don't deny, when it is at school or in a class but when it comes to my dad, it is way different. Well, it's quite the opposite.
I love my dad as a role model to look up to surviving in the real world, but sometimes I hate it when it comes to insults with my mom's family, telling me to do something the last minute, etc. But I have to suck it up and accept this is life; no one sid it was going to be easy. Unfortunately, sometimes my dad thinks I'm stupid, slow and weird, which he doesn't like me to be. Well... the weird part.
Since I entered into English class, my world turned upside down, it expanded my thinking and sometimes I don't know what I am anymore or what I have become. Why is it going to the depths of my past through an emotional state and no I am not talking about mood swings in a lady when she get PMS.
I dressed a bit differently, my behaviour has changed into a sophisicated kind without the snobby personality and Affluenza. I am still young but what if I grew up too fast because I am not what I used to be and I rarely got to do fun things with my friends.
I've done some stupid things and one of my friends thought she was pregnant and wanted a wedding. She asked me to be her Maid of Honour in Grade 11 but my dad didn't like her for being knocked up, which she was not.
I wish my dad would please just understand as a teen, I deserve some fun and if I can't say what I feel in person, well here it is:
Dad,
I love you as my dad, but you have to let me be who I want to be and live my life. I can't meet all of your expectations as a daughter you've always wanted because I am stressed, feeling pressured by you; what is the point if I can't stand up to you for your insults, lightly hitting me with a badminton racket or any hard objects or your bare hands, slapping me on the head or grabbing my hair. Sometimes I feel like you are still treating me like a little girl who seems too fragile to lose. I am stressed because I am angry at myself; I don't seem to be living in my own shadows but yours and I am only pleasing you instead of me just so I wouldn't see your angry self. I can't seem to talk to you about my problems when you are in rage or blaming me to feel ashamed. I know that is how life works, but I am getting sick and tired of it. That is why I felt so uncomfortable around you a few years ago. Sometimes I think you don't know me at all because of what you saw in me after a few years. I love you and I don't want to lose my bond with you because I don't want to be the last person you want to see when you read this. Please understand what I am going through.
Monday, April 11, 2011
The Demon
In reality, everyone may seem innocent or look like they are living in a perfect normal life, but that is every person's fantasy; there is no such thing as perfection.
Many a person may have dark secrets and regret for who they have become.
Whenever you look in front of the mirror, what do you really see? Because sometimes, you can see your darkest side as a constant reminder of your troubled past, what you've become or something waiting to be unleashed by arrogance or aggression; we can be tired of being good and innocent just to please a certain someone.
When you look around, surrounded by thousands, you judge quickly only by their physical appearances, but if you dig deep, you know they may be something else more than what you opinionate. As you go into the hollow depths of their soul or body, there is always a demon waiting to be released by a person's rage and reason to kill.
You can see your demons through your reflections and sometimes imagine they will attack. They will follow you everywhere as Mr.Hyde is trapped inside Dr.Jekyll's reflection before taking his elixir or an imaginary friend who symbolizes as your conscience. If you keep running away from your regrettable pasts, your demon will always come back to you and haunt every second and every moment.
We wish we could hide from our troubled,old lives and deny we've done nothing wrong, always wishing for a second chance to start all over, but they always end up finding you wherever you go, it follows you no matter what.
We are as afraid to face our secrets as we are to releasing our hysterical and aggressive rage towards an enemy and someone of your dislike because we could also be feared of ourselves and we lose ourselves, but everyone knows they need to take the first step, which will always be the hardest of them all.
But deep inside, we all have a good side because we know our limits to being a better person, just make sure no one gets into your bad side; they will suddenly attack mercilessly and without lives to spare.
Many a person may have dark secrets and regret for who they have become.
Whenever you look in front of the mirror, what do you really see? Because sometimes, you can see your darkest side as a constant reminder of your troubled past, what you've become or something waiting to be unleashed by arrogance or aggression; we can be tired of being good and innocent just to please a certain someone.
When you look around, surrounded by thousands, you judge quickly only by their physical appearances, but if you dig deep, you know they may be something else more than what you opinionate. As you go into the hollow depths of their soul or body, there is always a demon waiting to be released by a person's rage and reason to kill.
You can see your demons through your reflections and sometimes imagine they will attack. They will follow you everywhere as Mr.Hyde is trapped inside Dr.Jekyll's reflection before taking his elixir or an imaginary friend who symbolizes as your conscience. If you keep running away from your regrettable pasts, your demon will always come back to you and haunt every second and every moment.
We wish we could hide from our troubled,old lives and deny we've done nothing wrong, always wishing for a second chance to start all over, but they always end up finding you wherever you go, it follows you no matter what.
We are as afraid to face our secrets as we are to releasing our hysterical and aggressive rage towards an enemy and someone of your dislike because we could also be feared of ourselves and we lose ourselves, but everyone knows they need to take the first step, which will always be the hardest of them all.
But deep inside, we all have a good side because we know our limits to being a better person, just make sure no one gets into your bad side; they will suddenly attack mercilessly and without lives to spare.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)